Moving to Mexico has brought about many changes in my life, especially in dealing with my son’s “terrible twos” and the tantrums that came with it. Parenting as we all know is not all sunshine and rainbows, and having to deal with your child throwing tantrums and being disobedient, which is normal in child development can leave the most patient parent exasperated.
Dealing with children in the midst of tantrums and meltdowns can be hit or miss. Over the years, some helpful discoveries have helped create a safe space that promotes positive behavior in our home. First tip, stay calm, you getting worked up will not help the situation it will probably make it worse.
Understanding Toddler Tantrums
Understanding children’s tantrums is the first step to having compassion and knowing how to deal with the outbursts. Toddlers navigate a whirlwind of emotions as they explore the world around them, often leading to tantrums which are just outbursts of emotions.
After all, they are on average 2 years old, they have no control over how they feel or how to express it. Research shows there are a few triggers that bring on these outbursts.
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Common Triggers of Toddler Tantrums
- Fatigue: A tired toddler is a grumpy toddler. In that irritable state, they might have difficulty regulating their emotions.
- Hunger: When toddlers are hungry they get mood swings and tantrums, emphasizing the importance of timely snack prep. I know for a fact I get hangry also.
- Frustration: Toddlers have limited communication ability, leading to frustration when they struggle to express their needs or desires.
- Overstimulation: Exposure to excessive stimuli, such as loud noises or crowded spaces, can overwhelm toddlers and trigger tantrums.
- Transitions: Moving from one activity to another or transitioning from one place to another can be difficult to handle for toddlers, causing emotional distress.
Proactively keep these triggers in mind and which ones don’t apply to your child to promote a safe space for children.
The Power of Positive Reinforcement
What is positive reinforcement, well is acknowledging our children have the right to be mad or sad and comforting them, but reminding them that throwing tantrums is not the way to do it. Although they are young and learning to express themselves we still need to ensure they don’t overreact to the simplest things in the future, which all takes time.
It is also upon us to reward good and satisfactory behaviors with rewards and not necessarily punish them when they do the wrong thing. Instead, we can lead by learning and showing them the right response or reaction instead of leaning toward punishment.
This type of approach allows for a calm demeanor and makes for clear expectations for children with the lure for positive behavior with rewards and praises in return
When we as parents exercise positive reinforcement in our daily interactions it becomes the norm, and tantrums become teachable moments. This behavior promotes harmony in the house with mutual respect and understanding.
Photo by Gustavo Fring
Proven Ways to Manage Tantrums
Dealing with toddler tantrums needs tact and finely-knitted gloves with which to handle. No child is the same and they need their own special handling techniques.
I have five boys, three of whom currently live with me. Each of them approached the “terrible twos” differently, so we’ve had to learn their specific triggers and handle each situation as if it were the first time.
Let’s get into a few ways to manage tantrums.
Creating a Safe Space
Picture your child in the corner screaming at the top of his lungs and your encounter with your child is in anger and frustration. I’m going to guess the child will not feel secure and safe in that situation. The initial reaction to their tantrums is just as vital as keeping a safe environment for the child.
A safe space is an area where your child feels secure and can calm down when feeling overwhelmed. This space should feel like it’s their own, free from distractions, soothing, and conducive to relaxation.
Setting Clear and Age-Appropriate Expectations
Setting clear and age-appropriate expectations reduces tensions. Toddlers who know what’s expected of them account for less tension. Children strive for consistency and when clear guidelines are set and enforced with love, you can help them understand what behaviors are acceptable and what are not.
Maintaining a Calm Demeanor
When these challenging moments occur it is imperative you stay calm. Remember their little eyes are always looking at you. Our children mimic what they see and try to limit or hide your frustration and it might help to alleviate some tension.
It might not seem like it but keeping your exposure helps influence a toddler’s emotional development.
Understanding the Child’s Feelings
In the midst of a tantrum the feeling the child is feeling might in disproportionate to the situation. Never make them feel like it is not a valid feeling. They are learning to cope with feelings and don’t quite have a grasp on them.
In these situations, it is about soothing the agitation and acknowledging the pain they feel and not necessarily about agreeing with them. Showing them the correct way to express their feelings.
The ultimate act of not minimizing their feelings helps to form a healthy emotional intelligence and learn to manage emotions productively.
Photo by Oleksandr P
Supporting Parents in Managing Tantrums
Parenting a child having tantrums is like trying to steer a bumper car in the midst of a crowded amusement park. Just when you thought you’d got a smooth ride, boom, you’re sent in another direction. But hey, with a healthy sense of humor and a tad bit of patience, you might just come out the other side laughing.
During this crazy time, we need some creative ideas to keep our sanity in check.
Are you looking to join a community of like-minded dads who share your passion for everything about fatherhood? Look no further! Join our free Facebook group Stay-at-home Dads Club
Importance of Self-Care for Parents
First off, parental self-care is not being selfish. We need this time to rebuild our mental and physical capacity to deal with the daily wears of life. We are certainly better equipped to respond to our children’s needs better a better approach.
Some approaches are setting time aside for relaxation like fishing, hiking, gym or going to the movies.
It has always been a weird thought for me to go to the cinema alone, there is something very disconcerting about that. but my go-to activity to recharge is going for a long drive. The freedom of a full tank of fuel and the open road with music so loud my thoughts disappear. But I get carried away.
Having the mental capacity to positively engage with our children is a big plus.
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Creating a Supportive Environment
Having a support system around is sometimes beneficial not only for you but for other who needs help, advice or just a listening ear. We dads have feelings too, and just knowing there are dads out there with the same struggles as us may help a little, and form some camaraderie. A few key components:
- Communication: Whether it be parents or children, good honest communication is necessary. The process of sharing your feelings and thoughts builds trust and openness to resolving issues.
- Empathy and Understanding: Empathy is the beginning of understanding someone’s feelings which leads to problem resolutions.
- Flexibility and Adaptability: In a family dynamic there will be constant changes. The ability to adapt and be flexible to the family’s changes is a good skill to garner, knowing you’ll always be there strengthens the family bond.
- Access to Resources and Support: Examples of online resources where dads can come together and support each other are Facebook groups like Stay-at-home Dads Club.
Never be too proud or ashamed to reach out for help, we all need it from time to time.
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Specific Issues and Needs for Tantrums
When it comes to behavioral outbursts with special needs kids, every child behaves differently. However, these are some common triggers that lead to meltdowns, ways to prevent meltdowns and what to do in case a meltdown does occur.
Ways for Managing Tantrums
- Customized Approaches: Every child is different, and it’s necessary to tailor your approach to adapt to your child’s special needs. Keep in mind their sensory sensitivities, communication abilities, and triggers when developing strategies.
- Visual Supports: Visual aids can be very helpful for children with special needs. Creating visual schedules, and using picture cards, or visual timers can assist in communicating expectations and transitions effectively.
- Sensory Regulation: Some children with special needs may struggle with sensory processing. Providing a safe space with sensory tools like fidget toys, noise-canceling headphones, or sensory mats can help them regulate their emotions. The little things can be the biggest help.
- Positive Reinforcement: Promotes positive behavior through praise, rewards, or a token system. It encourages children with special needs to exhibit good behavior and manage their emotions.
- Consistent Routine: Children with special needs often thrive on routine and predictability. It establishes clear expectations and maintains a set schedule which aids in reducing anxiety and potential meltdowns.
Exploring these tantrums will require patience and time for your plan to come to fruition. Also, try to be flexible and adapt when necessary. The more supportive the environment is, the better they will meet their specific requirements.
Takeaway
Managing a toddler’s tantrums requires an extreme amount from parents and that does not include the child’s siblings. When we take some time to learn and understand our child and the triggers we can provide a smoother transition as they get older.
Despite all these tips shared, let’s recognize that managing tantrums is not only about finding the best solution or putting to use the one-size-fits-all approach. Tantrums can be caused by a multitude of factors and can be complex.
Situations such as temperament, development stage, and environmental context might come into play. Instead of wanting the tantrums to cease overnight, let’s ride this journey with our children, teach them and learn along the way.
It’s about accepting tantrums as a natural part of child development and embracing the mess and joys it brings with empathy and love.
For more tips on handling toddler tantrums, check out my blog post on Surviving the Terrible Twos: A Parent’s Guide to Thriving.
