Transitioning from my youth I spent quite a bit of my early adult years in Boston, Massachusetts to be specific, where I cultivated my social habits and norms, built friendships, and immersed myself in various events most West Indian/Caribbean events. My move to the United Kingdom even felt like a seamless continuation, albeit with a touch more British charm.
Social isolation was not something that I had to deal with or even crossed my mind. However, relocating to Ensenada has been a stark departure from my previous experiences.
The language barrier, coupled with my limited circle of acquaintances, and the new reality of working from home, has made it difficult to maintain the level of social engagement I once enjoyed.
Lately, my interactions are primarily centered around school-related activities for the children and attending church on Saturdays, marking a significant shift in my social landscape.
Stepping into fatherhood full-time as a Stay-at-home has been the biggest change of my life so far. The biggest change for me was the immediate change in my career after relocating to a different country. That included finding the right school and healthcare system for starters.
The wife went off to work as a travel nurse and everything was on me for the kid’s wellbeing. As a dad, it was up to me to find the right balance, and I’m here to tell you we can do it. I am proof of that.
The new norm might consist of cooking, prepping meals or homework, or in my case starting a blog while looking for a career change. Like the Yiddish proverb says “We plan, God laughs.” reality diverges our plans quite significantly.
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Signs and Effects of Isolation
Loneliness is more than just the occasional feeling of being alone. It’s a complex emotional response to a lack of connection or communication with others. When you’re experiencing loneliness, you might feel like no one understands you or are completely alone. This feeling can be multiplied as a stay-at-home dad, where your daily interactions are mostly with your children.
Have you ever felt uncomfortable making small talk, scrambling for things to talk about with multiple awkward silence rearing its head, yep, same here. Social isolation is a product of losing interpersonal skills. Simple things like speaking to someone, or making new friends can be a skill of the past. Humans are social beings, and it helps us to feel wanted and fills
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Overcoming Isolation without Friends
Isolation is a human experience that affects age, gender or one’s social status. Although we love and have friends, being without does not mean you are doomed.
There are ways I deal with the isolation that allow me to keep a connection with the outside world without the social interaction and friends that keep me pretty sane. Just to be clear, I do have social interactions, but not as often as I had before.
I think it is important for US to know our sense of connection is not solely dependent on the people around us.
One way that worked for me to prevent loneliness, was an internal shift in mindset and self-perception. Our feelings of connection should mainly depend on how we view ourselves and not on what outside influences add to our lives.
This research was conducted In the United Kingdom, United States, Canada and Australia had conclusive evidence supporting dads and isolation.
This research supports the evidence that having close friends is important for fathers’ mental health. Fathers without close friends report being more likely to experience increased stress levels in the first 12 months of becoming a father (33% say their stress levels increased a lot compared with 23% of all men with at least one close friend).
Despite this, the research also identified that some men lose contact with friends when they become fathers, with a fifth (20%) of fathers saying that the number of close friends they had decreased in the 12 months after becoming fathers.
Findings:
Other key findings from the research are:
- Seven in ten (70%) fathers say that their stress levels increased in the 12 months after becoming a father for the first time.
- Becoming a father can be an isolating experience. Almost a quarter (23%) of dads say they felt isolated when they first became fathers.
- Becoming a father can influence men’s behaviours which negatively impacts their physical health. Over half (56%) of dads say that they experienced at least one negative health behavior in the 12 months after becoming a father for the first time.
- Men are feeling pressured to be good fathers. 53% of current fathers and 50% of all men say that men are under more pressure nowadays to be good fathers.
- The quality of friendships is important. Fathers who are dissatisfied with the quality of their friendships are more likely to experience increased stress levels after becoming a father, not handle this stress well, feel that no one was looking out for them and feel isolated.
- Men (and fathers) don’t always recognize the importance of close friendships. When asked to choose three very important aspects of their lives, less than a fifth of men (18%) say that having close friends is very important to them.
- There is a sizeable group of men who say they are satisfied with their friendships yet who could not or would not talk to their friends about their problems. Over half (51%) of men who could not or would not talk to their friends about their problems are satisfied with the quality of their friendships.
- Men can find it difficult to talk about problems with their friends, such as mental health. 18% of men (and 16% of fathers) say they could not, or would not, talk to a friend about problems they were finding it hard to cope with.
- Satisfaction with friendships is lowest during the middle years. 43% of both 55+ year olds and 18-34 year olds say they are very satisfied with the quality of their friendships, compared with 34% of 35-54 year olds.
- The pressures of being a father are more likely to affect young fathers. They are more likely to say they felt isolated when first becoming a dad (40% of 18-35 year-old fathers compared to 11% of 55+ year-old fathers) and they are more likely to say their stress levels increased a lot in the first 12 months of becoming a father (29% vs. 17%).
Are you looking to join a community of like-minded dads who share your passion for everything about fatherhood? Look no further! Join our free Facebook group Stay-at-home Dads Club
Strategies to Deal with Feeling Lonely
So understanding the signs and effects of loneliness is half the battle, let’s get into how to deal with being lonely. One of my daily, most effective ways to stay connected is via video chat with my family. With family members ranging from the UK, a few Caribbean islands, and some US states like Atlanta, and New York thanks to WhatsApp.
We get deep into food, politics, religion, and everything in between, but that’s just us. It could be as simple as meeting with family members, joining online communities or forums, or even participating in virtual events.
Another strategy is to practice mindfulness and meditation. Mindfulness can help you stay present and appreciate the moments you have, rather than focusing on what you’re missing. Meditation, on the other hand, can help reduce feelings of stress and anxiety that often accompany loneliness.
Every morning immediately after dropping the kids at school, I spend about 15 minutes in meditation listening to the Guru himself Isha Krya. I know it helps me in a few ways, it slows down a very busy day and clears my mind for the day ahead. Life is already hectic, take some time for your mental space, 15 minutes might just do it.
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Depression Caused by Loneliness
Depression caused by loneliness can be hard to identify, as the symptoms can often be mistaken for just feeling down. Do not just overlook it, it’s important to recognize the signs to seek help if needed.
The feeling can be masked as persistent long-term sadness, a lack of motivation, changes in sleep patterns, and even physical symptoms like headaches or stomach issues.
Ways to Prevent Loneliness
In order to combat loneliness as a stay-at-home dad, it might require some out-of-the-box thinking. Things like participating in local parenting groups or events can be a great way to connect with other parents and to help break up the monotony of the daily routine.
If these aren’t available, consider starting your own. Online platforms can be an excellent place to connect with others and share experiences.
Another tip I mentioned is attending a local church or gathering of that kind. It’s a great place to gather together and sing and pray and all that good stuff if you’re into that stuff. I love singing, but the feeling is not mutual, unfortunately.
It’s wonderful to see how in Ensenada, when we opt out of going to church on a Saturday we will instead Volunteer at a shelter and donate our time and finances to a greater cause.
Providing your time, food supplies, clothing, books and so many more to the less fortunate is a reasonable way to meet new folks and also put you in a mind of gratitude, contributing to different communities.
Spending time on a cause is a great way to introduce your kids to helping others without reciprocation. With the little ones in tow, a lesson is always to be learned. This act of good provides a sense of accomplishment and purpose, combating feelings of loneliness.
Challenges for the Socially Isolated Dad
There are days, and everyone has them when anything that can go wrong will, and instead of losing yourself, it’s best to take a break. I would take the dog for a walk or go for a drive, and clear my head to some reggae music. It is perfectly fine to put yourself first at times, it helps in the long run. It is necessary to be in a good mental space to be there for our children how they need us to be.
Isolation Prevention
I make it a habit to self-reflect as much as possible. I tend to do it at night before I nod off. It gives me time to think of ways that I might have misread a situation or to improve on different aspects of building healthy relationships.
This could have been with parents from the kid’s school or working from an internet cafe. Regularly interacting with others can help reduce feelings of loneliness and isolation.
To prevent social isolation, there will need to be a level of bravery and putting yourself out there. For starters get involved with events about the kid’s school, something you can volunteer to get acquainted with other parents. Be intentional with your time and efforts.
Prioritize your mental and physical well-being while nourishing your body, mind and spirit to prevent burnout.
Breaking the Cycle of Social Isolation
A major problem in breaking habits is to stop habitual activities we have embedded in ourselves for years. There will need to be a willful change in the things we do and how we do it.
That comes with self-evaluation, time and perseverance. In time you can build meaningful relationships and have a fulfilling social life. Have some self-compassion, after we are just humans.
Don’t let loneliness define your experience of fatherhood.
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Very well done Books. Keep this up, you will go places. Good advice though 👌
Great job curtis proud of you.Continue to put God first always, and everything will fall into place 🙏🏽❤️