Distance Doesn’t Raise My Children. My Consistency Does.

Mainly, when I try to stay connected, it causes my kids to make me seem like a disturbance, which, as a parent, is the worst feeling. They don’t want to talk, or it’s all yes and no answers.

Crossing that threshold from hands-on, stay-at-home dad to default parent after my relocation, I knew the word “connected” would take on a whole new meaning.

Oceans apart, day after day would be different adventures into making them interested in wanting to speak to their dear ole dad.

This journey has humbled me more than I’d like to admit. The ones you love the most willfully ignore you for a video game, or spending time with friends, or food, or anything else really.

If you’ve ever felt the ache of missing your child or tend to struggle with that quiet feeling of parenting from afar, we’re part of the same struggle. No one should have to carry these challenges alone.

Long-Distance Parenting Is Hard

Long-distance parenting does the most sneaky things; it conjures all these feelings and emotions filled with good memories that just linger and linger.

These emotions come and go as they please and can be stirred by a slight smell, a sight, or even a movie you’ve watched a thousand times together.

Let’s talk about things we can do to stay in touch with our little ones in the most creative ways, always prioritizing the child’s best interests to support their social-emotional development.

Ways to show them we love them without saying we love them.

Creative Ways to Connect to Your Kids from Afar

Living apart and attempting to know the ins and outs of your children’s daily routines is hit or miss. Sometimes the FaceTime calls get dry and quiet when there’s not much to catch up on…Well, you can do these:

Create a Custom Daily Routine

With intentions of longevity, make it something you really enjoy, and maybe not time-consuming, at least at the beginning. Kids, especially our younger ones, thrive on predictability and knowing that Dad or Mom is committed to parenting time, rain or shine. A simple call or text builds that trust.

• Send an upbeat good morning voice note before school, aligned with their school schedule, pray together, or share something funny from the previous day.
• Create a custom “code” emoji or secret handshake—maybe it’s a dragon emoji, which represents a special message you both agree to.
• Share a “one good thing” message, even the smallest thing, an update of your day, possibly a quick picture of dinner. These little shared moments might seem small and simple, but they say “hey, I’m thinking about you”.

This works for all ages. I get daily updates from Google Photos of old memories, which I share with my wife and the boys almost daily—little actions like this help to bridge the distance of remote parenting.

Shared Projects and Rituals Across the Distance

Just because you’re living oceans apart or maybe the next town over, doesn’t mean you have to give up on your shared projects. As a matter of fact, the distance can put a fresh spin on teamwork and shared creativity.

• Grow something together: Start a small garden and plant seeds in each of your homes, snap photos, and keep up to date as they sprout.
• Start a book club for two: Read a short book or comic and speak about it on a call.
• Cook “together apart”: Select something to cook together, in individual homes, and compare tastes and pictures, or when they come to visit.

Collaborative activities like this strengthen parent-child bonds and sharpen household skills.

How to Use Story Apps to Read Together

Back then, every night was story night before bed, but things are different and technology is helping lift some of the load. Storybook apps and screen-sharing have made virtual visitation possible to keep bedtime stories in our routine.

• Read out loud on video calls: Most video platforms let you share your screen or show picture books as you read.
• Use age-appropriate story apps like Caribu or Epic! These digital apps allow co-reading with pictures, voices, and even games inside the app.
• Record yourself reading favorite stories: Send the audio so your child can play it at bedtime, even if you can’t call.

Setting Up a Shared Journal

My children are no strangers to aeroplanes. I say that to say this, they journal a lot, travel journaling to be exact, but we have never tried this type of journaling before.

Sending each other written notes and pictures of whatever gets your attention at the time sounds exciting. It would be a travel journal that goes back and forth in the mail, filled with jokes, doodles, or whatever.

• Mail a simple notebook back and forth: Each taking turns writing to each other back and forth.
• Or use a digital shared document: Google Docs, for instance, takes less time than mailing and is way cheaper.

The act of writing, then awaiting the arrival of the mail, brings back an old-school feeling to a digital world.

Sending Surprise Care Packages

This does not include Christmas or birthdays. This needs to be random and totally unexpected. It does help with a healthy co-parenting relationship.

There’s something magical about a box or letter filled with little surprises. When I send a care package—a postcard, a special nightlight they want, or a new comic book—my child lights up. These don’t have to be expensive.

• Postcards from your day-to-day life (“Here’s the bakery I always walk by!”)
• Stickers, art supplies, or small gadgets
• Handwritten notes, which can really stand out when most kids are used to texts

Thoughtful gift giving brings a feeling of appreciation to a family setting, especially when it’s unexpected.

Related Post

• The Effects of Long-Distance Parenting on Children

Creating a Private Podcast for Your Child

This one is a bit different. Have you ever tried recording a podcast just for your child? I mean tiny episodes that feel as personal as can be. It’ll be like their own secret radio show just for them.

• Record short talks about your week: Share riddles, jokes, and how your week went.
• Use a free recording app on your phone: Send the files through a secure email or cloud link system.

This idea is so cool because they can listen to it at any time, or when they miss your voice.

Making Art Together, Long-Distance Style

Even though you can’t draw or doodle across the table, creative communication methods can still create some magic together.

• Start a shared art gallery: Snap some photos of each other’s art and transform it into an online collage or scrapbook.
• Draw “together” over video chat: Make a set time, create a short movie of your liking, and reveal it at the end.
• Use digital art apps: Procreate or Simple Doodle apps that allow you to collaborate and go wild.

Making or recreating art is one way of seeing the world through the eyes of your child.

Routines for Goodnight Calls that Stick

A good night call is most certainly a conduit to connection with your little ones. To be honest, bedtime ritual can go long, especially when you have kids who aren’t trying to go to bed.

• Pick a song, phrase, or prayer to repeat every night.
• Make a running “dream list”—every night, add a new scene, something you both will dream about together.
• Let your child “walk” you through their bedtime routine via video: brushing teeth, putting on pajamas, or turning off the light.

Regular fun routines are appointments our child looks forward to daily.

Planning Visits that Build Anticipation

When my children know about an upcoming plan, it is nonstop harassment. When are we going again? What do you have planned? Are you going to cook some good food for us like old times? Instead of letting the countdown be a drag, make the wait part of the fun, especially around your visitation schedule.

• Create a countdown calendar together: Use stickers or digital apps to count down to summer break, three-day weekends, or a holiday celebration.
• Plan “wish lists” for activities—plan activities together, accounting for long-distance travel.
• Swap “planning letters”—take turns writing ideas or drawing pictures of what you’ll do.

Allowing anticipation to build in a healthy way will take the strain.

Long-distance game nights

The power of play can connect at any age level, even mimicking extracurricular activities you enjoy side-by-side. With technology, we can play games, as though we are sitting side-by-side, until the next face-to-face time.

• Online board games and digital card games: So many of the classics (like Connect Four or Uno) have online versions, perfect for extracurricular activities.
• Play-by-text games: Think 20 Questions, emoji puzzles, or simple drawing games.
• Work on a shared crossword, word puzzle, or online scavenger hunt—something to build together, piece by piece, like other extracurricular activities.

You’d be surprised how much fun a long-distance game night can be.

Building a Parenting Safety Net When Miles Separate You

Being connected to your children is all good, but it’s a completely different thing to keep the support active from a long distance. You are not meant to do this alone, especially as a non-custodial parent navigating a parenting plan.

I’ve learned this earlier on; there must be a real support system for good and bad times, or you will be running on fumes. It’s more than just reading tips online or joining my Facebook group.

We need that trust net, so it is not just on your shoulders and theirs, including a solid parenting plan that outlines parenting time and responsibilities.

Photo by Julia M Cameron

Tapping into Books That Speak Your Language

Being human is about feeling seen and hearing the advice of others who are in or have been in the situation you are in. I’ve leaned on dog-eared and digital downloads that speak to my soul. The truth does hurt sometimes, but it is needed all the time to straighten up and fly right, if tough love is warranted.

Parenting books can be your secret sauce to something special; don’t sleep on them. They come highly recommended from real parents and experts alike, offering insights into crafting a parenting plan, custody schedules, and even an 80/20 custody split. You never know. One good book can take away all your confusion and offer new rituals.

Parenting Resources For Dads

Professional Support for Parents and Kids

There’s no shame in professional help. It takes someone outside of your circumstances from time to time to see the wrong turns you take.

Therapists and counselors with experience in long-distance family dynamics, joint legal custody, and securing court approval for a parenting schedule can help you feel seen, heard, and understood.

They also support building a secure attachment, vital for the parent-child relationship when the custodial parent has primary residence.

Even a few sessions could help untangle some weeds and set your child on the right path to work through your own guilt and sadness, factoring in travel expenses and relocation challenges.

Our paths might be different, but we travel toward the same destination: a connection with our children. It is in no way a simple feat when life plants you away from your children. It will not be something you master overnight; it’s a living, breathing process in long-distance parenting.

Every age and stage gives you new opportunities to show up and show out with love. Small habits or big, the bedtime calls or the early morning before school giggles make them all count.

Have honest talks and goofy traditions that will be your special thing, aligned with a visitation schedule and school schedule for age-appropriate parenting time.

I found that it helps to lean towards real effort instead of perfection, which creates and strengthens the alliance between you and the custodial parent.

In whichever way you decide to stay connected to your child, let the approach be flexible and forgiving, always prioritizing the child’s best interests during your parenting time with the custodial parent.

Thank you for reading—your time here matters. If something in this journey resonated, I’d love to hear your experience or tips for keeping the connection alive, no matter the miles.