Today, I’ve come to end all that noise and bring back the infamous dad jokes to the front of the congregation.
I’ve selected the best dad jokes from all walks of life. Whether you are parenting from afar, like me, or in a great state of play where you can enjoy the little ones’ faces every day.
Full transparency, I ran some of these dad jokes by my kids last night, and they gave me mostly thumbs up.
Why Dad Jokes?
Dad jokes trigger laughing and the chemical reactions it causes in your body, which experts consider a form of medicine.
Long story short, dad jokes make you feel good and good for you. I say all that to say this. Laughter from dad jokes is the universal language that brings us all together.
Big lists like the ones in this round-up of silly jokes and dad jokes for kids gave me ideas at first, but the real magic happens when a few dad joke puns become “our” jokes that we repeat and laugh and groan over.
Ice-Breakers at Their Best
I like to pull these punny one-liner dad jokes out right at the start of a call, especially when my kids seem a little spaced out. Why did the phone wear glasses? It lost its contacts.
- Why was the computer cold? It forgot to close its Windows.
- Why did the kid eat his homework? The teacher said it was a piece of cake.
- Why did the math book look sad? It had too many problems.
- What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer.
- Why did the scarecrow win an award? He was outstanding in his field.
- What do you call cheese that is not yours? Nacho cheese.
- Why did the cookie go to the doctor? It felt crummy.
- What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.
- Why did the student bring a ladder to school? They wanted to go to high school.
- Why did the smartphone sit in the corner? It lost its charger.
- Why did the kid bring a pencil to bed? To draw the curtains.
- What do you call a dinosaur that is sleeping? A dino-snore.
- Why was the computer late to class? It had a hard drive.
- Why did the teacher wear sunglasses? Her students were so bright.
Because connection starts with a laugh.
These are some of my “greatest hits.” Funny jokes that double as dad jokes.
- Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use honeycombs.
- Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay, they would be bagels.
- What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.
- Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole-in-one.
- What did one wall say to the other wall? I will meet you at the corner.
- Why did the tomato blush? It saw the salad dressing.
- What do you call a fish with no eyes? Fsh.
- Why was the broom late? It swept in.
- What do you call a can opener that does not work? A cannot opener.
- Why did the bicycle fall over? It was two-tired/tyred.
Because 1 dad joke can shrink the distance.
These are perfect for a quick text, more dad jokes with a mix of clever animal jokes to keep things light.
- Why did the egg get kicked out of class?
It kept cracking up. - Why did the kid sit on a clock?
They wanted to be on time. - What do you call a pig that knows karate?
A pork chop. - Why did the banana go to the nurse?
It was not peeling well. - What do you call a boomerang that does not come back?
A stick. - Why did the music teacher go to jail?
She got caught with too many notes. - What do you call a dog that can tell time?
A watchdog. - Why did the calendar get promoted?
It had a lot of dates.
A Joke For Every Moment
I like mixing certain dad jokes with certain times for kids.
Rise and Shine and Smile
These clean jokes work in a quick call, a voice note, or a “good morning” text.
- Why did the boy bring a spoon to bed? He wanted to have a scoop of dreams.
- Why did the alarm clock get in trouble? It kept ticking people off.
- What did the pillow say to the blanket? I have got you covered.
- Why did the cereal get good grades? It was always in its bowl.
- Why did the kid eat breakfast on the floor? The teacher said it was a plate test.
- What do you call a rabbit that tells time? A hop-clock.
- Why did the toast go to school? To get a little “breaducation.”
After-School Giggles
These school jokes make perfect lunchbox jokes for kids ages 8-9. Surprise them with a joke in the lunch kit.
- Why did the teacher write on the window? She wanted the lesson to be clear.
- Why did the student eat a pencil? They wanted a sharp mind.
- What did the desk say to the backpack? You have got a lot of stuff going on.
- Why did the soccer ball quit the team? It was tired of being kicked around.
- What do you call a lazy kangaroo at practice? A pouch potato.
- Why was the math test so happy? It had all the right answers.
- What did the notebook say to the eraser? You make my mistakes disappear.
Slide one of these dad jokes into your convo, like “Speaking of football, how was your game…?”
End the Day With a Smile
These jokes keep the mood on a constant flow.
- What do you call a nap in outer space? A star snooze.
- Why did the pillow win the argument? It always had the softest point.
- What did the blanket say at bedtime? I have got you covered.
- Why did the moon skip dinner? It was full.
- What kind of key opens a banana? A monkey.
- Why did the kid bring a flashlight to bed? They wanted bright dreams.
- What do you call a dinosaur who sleeps all night? A snore-asaurus.
Dad Jokes For Video Calls, Long Distance Trips, And Awkward Moments
Living apart comes with a lot of strange in-between moments. Glitchy video calls. Holidays spent in different time zones.
Dad Jokes For Awkward Video Calls
These corny dad jokes land best when you’re face-to-face, or even knock-knock jokes for extra ice-breaking.
- Pointing at your chair: Why is this chair a good student? It always supports me.
- With a pet on screen: Animal joke: Why did the dog sit in the shade? It did not want to be a hot dog.
- Pointing at your messy desk: Why should my desk get a trophy? It is outstanding in its mess.
- With their toy on screen: Why is your stuffed animal a good listener? It never interrupts.
- Making a funny face: Why did my face join a comedy club? It is full of jokes already.
Dad Jokes For Holidays From Far Away
These funny jokes help me bring a bit of silliness into birthdays and holidays when I am not in the room.
- Birthday: Why did the cake go to school? It wanted to be a smart cookie.
- Birthday: What did one candle say to the other? Don’t birthdays just blow you away?
- Halloween: Why did the skeleton stay home? He had nobody to go with.
- Halloween: What is a ghost’s favorite dessert? Boo-berry pie.
- Winter holidays: What do snowmen eat for breakfast? Frosted flakes.
- New Year: Why was the calendar excited? Its days were numbered in a good way.
Road Trip Jokes, Airports, and the Laughs That Come With Reuniting
- Why did the car get an A in school? It always stayed in its lane.
- What do airplanes eat for breakfast? Plane waffles.
- Why did the suitcase go to therapy? It had too much baggage.
- What kind of music do buses like? Anything with good stops.
- Why was the road always tired? It had too many long days.
- Why did the map need a break? It was all over the place.
The point is not to be the funniest dad on earth. It’s to meet our children where they are, share these dad jokes, and have a smile to forget the bumpy day, even for a minute.
Let’s make the laugh and groan our children hard, and love them even harder.
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