Because there are only so many times I can ask, “How was school?” before we both start questioning why we’re here.
I’ve had plenty of video calls with my boys where I felt like I was doing everything possible to keep the conversation alive. It comes with the territory when you’re parenting from afar.
“How was school?”
“Good.”
“What did you do?”
“Nothing.”
“Did anything funny happen?”
“No.”
“What did you eat?”
“I don’t know.”
You ate the food. How do you not know?
Here I am, thousands of miles away, trying to stay involved in their lives while somehow conducting the world’s least successful interview, and my audience retention skills are lacking. To be fair, there are more nuanced ways to move these conversations along, and that’s where trying new avenues comes into play, but we’ll get to that later.
Those calls used to bother me; now not so much. I’d wonder if my boys really wanted to talk to me. Maybe I called at the wrong time. Maybe they were bored of me. Maybe the distance was changing our relationship dynamic. When you’re parenting from afar, your mind can turn one quiet call into one of those internet rabbit holes with a never-ending thread of overthinking.
The truth is, it wasn’t them. I was the one who needed to change. That changed my approach. I stopped trying so hard to make my boys talk and started thinking more about how to keep kids engaged on video calls.
I learned that you can make boring video exciting with shared activity, movement, and curiosity during a live family call. Not editing tricks, and not some overproduced family event.
Key Takeaways
- Stop leaning on the same predictable questions like “How was your day?” Ask something specific or unexpected that gives them more to work with.
- Give them something to do. A quick game, a room tour, or a random challenge can make the call feel more natural.
- Not every call needs to be deep. Ordinary moments, inside jokes, and even a bit of silence can still build connection.
- Ten genuine minutes will usually beat thirty forced ones. A quiet or boring call does not automatically mean the bond is slipping.
Stop Overthinking Every Call
Self-reflection tells me I was asking the same questions over and over. How was school? Did you do your homework? What did you eat? What are you doing tomorrow? Perfectly reasonable Dad questions.
Given the same circumstances, I would be bored too. The problem with “How was your day?” is that it’s incredibly easy to kill with one word.
“Good.”
Conversation deceased. Time of death: 7:42 p.m.
So I started asking questions they weren’t expecting.
“Who annoyed you today?”
Suddenly, everybody remembers how to talk.
Or:
“What was the funniest thing that happened today?”
“What was the hardest part of your day?”
“Out of ten, what are you giving today?”
“Tell me something that happened today that I won’t believe.”
I’ve learned that simple storytelling techniques, especially specific, unexpected questions, create better conversations.
That simple shift helped me improve our long-distance parenting communication without forcing the boys to perform for me.
No Need to Fill Every Silent Cavity
When I’m physically with my boys, there’s a different conversational chemistry.
Talking happens naturally while we’re doing ordinary things. Somebody is eating, playing, moving around, arguing, showing me something, or getting distracted by whatever is happening nearby.
Video calls remove much of that natural movement and visual variety. Now two people are staring at rectangles, waiting for someone to be interesting.
Even I have a limited attention span for that. That’s when I realised conversation does not always need to be the activity.
So, how do I make a boring video exciting? I suggest one simple thing to do: let the boys move around or show me something nearby. We might try a quick challenge, play a guessing game, or hunt for the strangest object in the house. I also allow natural pauses instead of demanding constant conversation. The goal is shared attention, not putting on a performance.
Phone Activities
Sometimes we play guessing games, riddles, trivia, or little challenges just to switch up the monotony of regular conversations.
My two go-to games with the boys are Would You Rather? and Finish My Sentence because both usually spark imaginative answers and get the conversation moving without forcing it.
I might also say:
“Bring me the weirdest thing you can find in the house. You’ve got 30 seconds.”
Everyone disappears.
Someone comes back holding an object I immediately regret asking to see.
Mission accomplished.
We also mix in Two Truths and a Lie, This or That, What Would You Do If…?, Rapid-Fire Questions, and Finish the Story.
When in doubt, I give them something to do. Kids are usually more receptive and engaged when something is actually happening.
For me, that has become one of the easiest ways of keeping connections fresh from afar.
Sometimes We Do Nothing
This might sound weird, and writing it out makes it sound even weirder, but sometimes I just stay on the phone and listen.
I don’t always need to entertain them.
Depending on the time of day, I’ll stay on the phone while they eat. If they’re building something, show me. Playing a game? Let me watch for a minute. Most of the time it’s waiting for them to get help with homework, which also gives me some insight into their academic progress.
Those ordinary moments matter to me because they recreate the closest thing to everyday family life, which is exactly what I miss when I’m away.
I’ll take it.
I Let Them Control What I See
Another thing I do is ask my boys to take me somewhere.
“Show me your room.”
I’ll sneakily see if it’s clean, but I don’t always bring it up.
“Let me see those new trainers.”
“Show me what you built.”
As they move around, the changing camera angles let me see the ordinary details I’d normally notice if I were there.
“What’s everybody doing?”
Suddenly, I’m moving through their world.
I’m getting updated on the little things that would normally happen naturally if I were there.
Bedrooms change. Interests change. New things appear. They become obsessed with games I apparently should have known about since birth.
This is all part of smart long-distance parenting. Their real life is interesting enough.
I’ve Learned to Play Naive
This is one part of fatherhood where I consider myself highly qualified. One of my boys shows me something.
I deliberately guess wrong.
“That’s your new pet giraffe?”
“Dad, that’s a dinosaur.”
“Looks like a giraffe.”
Now he has to correct me.
Children possess remarkable amounts of energy when explaining why their parents are wrong.
I use this information responsibly.
I call it annoying my children until they laugh.
Inside Jokes Are a Master Key for Bonding
We have little jokes, sayings, and things that only make sense to us. Those are especially valuable when we live apart. The best ones usually come from the most unexpected moments.
An inside joke can outlive the call that started it. When one of my boys brings it up days later, we’re instantly back in our own little world, sharing something that belongs only to us. That kind of familiarity helps maintain a strong parent-child connection across distance.
Frequently Asked Questions
How do I keep kids engaged on video calls?
Give them something to do instead of expecting them to talk constantly. Try guessing games, riddles, challenges, or ask them to show you something in their world.
What should I ask instead of “How was your day?”
Ask specific questions that are harder to answer with one word, such as “What was the funniest part of your day?” or “Who annoyed you today?” Unexpected questions usually create better stories.
Is it okay if a video call is quiet or boring?
Yes. Sometimes staying on the phone while your child eats, plays, or builds something can feel more natural than forcing a conversation.
How long should a video call with my child last?
There is no perfect length. Ten genuine minutes can be more valuable than thirty forced minutes, especially when your child feels comfortable ending the call naturally.
How can I stay connected with my children from afar?
Pay attention to the ordinary details of their lives and let them control what they show you. Inside jokes, casual check-ins, and being present for everyday moments all help maintain a strong connection across distance.
Good 10 Minutes Vs a Bad 30
Over time, my boys have learned that it is perfectly fine to ask to end a call when the conversation has naturally run its course from their POV. They used to disappear mid-conversation to go play. Now they might say, “Dad, I want to go play. Can I call you later?”
That works for me. I would rather have ten genuine minutes of long-distance parenting connection than force another thirty because I feel guilty about living far away.
We’ve created enough trust that nobody needs to walk on eggshells or pretend every call has to be meaningful. I also stopped taking quiet calls personally.
There was a time when silence made me wonder whether they even wanted to talk to me. Then they started calling me themselves, sometimes with absolutely nothing to say.
I’ll joke, “Mate, did you have an agenda for this meeting?” But those calls have become some of my favourites.
They are not calling for money, advice, or some random favour. They are simply choosing to include Dad in an ordinary moment. I love it soo much.
That changed how I think about staying connected with children from afar. A good call does not always need deep conversation, games, or constant entertainment.
Sometimes a boring video call isn’t evidence that we’re losing our connection. Sometimes it means we’re comfortable enough that neither of us has to perform for the other. And from thousands of miles away, I’ll gladly take that.
Hope you enjoyed the read. Leave a comment below.
