Why My Son Took Longer to Talk

His words came slowly. The lessons came quickly.

There’s an innate default feature that constantly compares our kids to other kids. It brings nothing but misery

Then you hear another three-year-old talking away like an auctioneer selling some children’s supplies to the highest bidder.

I did it with my son Ezra.

Around three years old, he was talking, but often only one or two words at a time. Sometimes he stuttered. Sometimes he’d take a deep breath before getting the words out.

Other times, there was a lot of muttering and frustration that somehow made perfect sense to me because apparently dads develop their own translation software.

Still, I knew his toddler speech development wasn’t moving quite like some children his age.

That’s when the questions started.

Was he simply taking longer to talk? Was this a speech delay? Was living in Mexico and hearing both English and Spanish affecting his language development? Should we wait? Should we speak to his pediatrician?

Too many questions sent me loco.

Ezra’s Speech Development Didn’t Follow One Exact Timeline

Children have developmental milestones, but they tend to take their own trajectory.

Speech begins developing long before a toddler is having proper conversations.

There is babbling, gestures, early speech sounds and first words. Then vocabulary starts growing. Words begin joining together into two-word phrases and other word combinations. Eventually those little pieces start becoming conversations.

Speech and language milestones give us an idea of the communication skills that typically emerge as children grow, but there can be variation in when individual children reach them.

That distinction was present here in my early education with my son.

I wasn’t looking for an excuse to ignore what was happening with Ezra. I wanted to know whether I was seeing a child developing at his own pace or something that deserved more attention.

The comparison game was moot at this point.

Ezra today versus Ezra a few months ago.

Was there vocabulary growth?

Was he combining more words?

Was his pronunciation becoming clearer?

Was he understanding more of what we said?

Those changes I kept an eye out for.

More Than Just Words Were Going On

Once I stopped focusing entirely on how many words Ezra could say, I noticed other important factors.

He could communicate.

He played, copied me, responded to us, and expressed himself without always needing a complete sentence. Which is good in the grand scheme of things.

Children communicate through more than speech. Gestures, facial expressions, pointing and other forms of non-verbal communication can tell you plenty about what a toddler understands and wants.

Any parent who has watched a toddler silently reject the wrong-coloured cup knows they don’t necessarily need a sentence to make their position painfully clear.

I also began to understand that what Ezra could say and what he could understand weren’t necessarily the same thing.

Professionals may describe these areas as expressive language, which includes communicating thoughts and needs, and receptive language, which involves understanding communication.

That distinction matters, but it has its own article. I’ve gone deeper into our experience in What Ezra Taught Me About Speech:

Here, the important change was simple: I stopped counting words in isolation and started looking at Ezra’s communication as a whole.

The Hills Around Ensenada Came with Words

At the time, we were living in Mexico.

I was a stay-at-home dad while Ezra’s mum worked as a travel nurse. She was involved in his development too, but because I spent so much everyday time with him, I had plenty of opportunities to see how he communicated in different situations.

One of our favourite things to do as a family was to hike around the hills near Ensenada.

Ezra seemed to come alive out there.

He became more vocal. My original notes from that period even described hiking as one of the places where he would formulate more sentences and express himself more freely.

There was always something to see or somewhere we were going. The experience gave him a reason to communicate.

If we stopped somewhere overlooking the city, we could talk about Ensenada below us.

I wasn’t walking around Mexico carrying articulation cards in my backpack.

We were spending time together.

Those experiences created opportunities for communication without turning our regular schedule into something else.

We Wanted Answers At Some Point

Parents hear this all the time: That doesn’t always cut the mustard.

“He’ll talk when he’s ready.”

Sometimes that’s comforting. But there comes a point when reassurance from friends and family isn’t enough.

We wanted to understand what was actually happening.

Ezra was assessed professionally. His hearing was checked, and he also went through neurological testing. Those tests didn’t reveal an obvious explanation for why his speech was developing more slowly.

That was reassuring, but it didn’t answer every question. It did give us something more useful than guessing.

There are different reasons a child’s communication may develop more slowly. Hearing loss, for example, can interfere with a child’s access to spoken language and speech sounds, which is one reason hearing may be considered during an assessment.

There are also differences between a speech delay and conditions such as language disorder. Those aren’t labels parents should try to assign after an evening of internet searching.

There are professionals for that.

A pediatrician can recommend an assessment, and a speech-language pathologist can evaluate your child. If needed, early intervention can help.

Getting an assessment doesn’t mean you’ve decided something is terribly wrong.

Sometimes asking the question is simply good parenting.

English Vs Spanish

Living in Mexico added another question.

Ezra was growing up around English and Spanish, and for a while I wondered whether hearing two languages was contributing to his slower speech.

It was an easy conclusion to jump to.

What I learned was that growing up bilingual isn’t itself considered a cause of a speech or language disorder.

That mattered because Spanish wasn’t some classroom subject we’d suddenly introduced. It was around him. It was part of where we lived.

I’ve covered that side of our experience separately in Raising a Bilingual Child With Speech Delay instead of squeezing the entire bilingualism discussion in here.

And after all my concerns about two languages confusing him, Ezra still speaks more Spanish than I do.

Apparently one of us handled bilingual life just fine.

Helping Didn’t Mean Turning Our Home Into a Clinic

Overcompensating is a common go-to for lack of knowledge, but also doing too much can have an adverse effect.

But I didn’t and still don’t want every conversation with Dad to come with a scorecard, even when speaking to him from afar. Some of the opportunities were already part of normal life.

Reading gave us words to talk about. Pretend play created little conversations. Songs and nursery rhymes brought repetition and different sounds. Play gave him opportunities to use his growing core vocabulary in situations that meant expressing himself.

None of this meant I was trying to replace professional help. The speech-language pathologist has one job.

I have another. I’m his dad first.

My role was to listen, give him opportunities to communicate and carry useful parent strategies into everyday family life when appropriate.

I’ve covered those techniques properly in How Parents Can Move the Needle on Speech Delays and 12 Home Activities for Toddlers With Speech Delay.

What I’d Tell Another Parent Now

If you’re reading this because your toddler isn’t talking as much as you expected, I understand why you’re worried. It’s normal.

I’ve been there.

Watch your own child rather than constantly measuring them against someone else’s.

Learn the broad speech and language milestones. Notice their words, gestures and communication skills. Pay attention to what they understand as well as what they can say. Most importantly, notice whether they’re continuing to gain new skills.

And if you’re concerned about your toddler’s speech development, speak to someone qualified rather than trying to diagnose the problem yourself.

You don’t have to choose between panicking and pretending everything is fine. Children develop differently, and sometimes they need additional support.

Both things can be true.

His Words Came Slowly. The Lessons Came Quickly.

Ezra’s speech journey changed the way I looked at development. I couldn’t rush him toward somebody else’s timeline.

I had to pay attention. I had to listen. I could get professional guidance when we needed it. And I could keep being Dad while he found his words. You might be tempted to get all the speech therapy materials; don’t. They don’t all have the same function.

Years later, parenting from afar has made that last part even more important.

I’m not physically there for every conversation or the little changes anymore. When we do talk, I don’t want him feeling like Dad is examining him.

I want him to talk because he knows I’ll listen. That’s something his early speech journey taught me that has stayed with me.

If you’re worried about your own child’s toddler speech development, learn what to look for, notice their progress, and trust yourself enough to seek professional guidance when something doesn’t feel right.

Sometimes a child needs more time. Sometimes they need more support. The important thing is paying enough attention to find out which.